Diving into the Reality of My Future

Diving into the Future

When life signs you up for a chronic illness/disease, you sometimes have no idea what you’re in for. This can be extremely frustrating, tiring, and annoying. For me, I can say that right now I’m in a rough patch of my disease, that I never thought I’d have happen to me on many different levels.

While no doctor can tell me what my future will hold, I am learning to cope with whatever comes my way. Sure I can tell you that, but it’s a lot harder to do than say. Right now I kind of hate talking about the future because I see it as more of a fear than anything else.

Two nights ago, I had a bizarre dream of a bunch of celebrities in a plane crash. I was standing on a field witnessing the plane take off, watching it as it kept ascending into the sky, and then spiraling down. I decided to look up what that meant because it was a crazy dream, and (I know medications can make you dream weird things) for some reason I just had to know what dream interpreters thought.

According to an article I read on Bustle, this dream symbolizes the nervousness of our high expectations and that we might not believe we will reach the goals we set for ourselves. It could also mean that we believe everything we have achieved in life is about to come crashing down on us.  I also read that a dream about a plane crashing could be a metaphor of some aspect of your life that is in danger of ending quickly and unexpectedly, lacking self confidence. BOTH OF THESE EXPLANATIONS ARE SPOT ON ABOUT MY CURRENT OUTLOOK.  I’m not going to lie, when I first read these explanations I bursted into tears. How could my unconscious self be able to rely a message to me in such a different form? The human brain is truly amazing.

I had a healthy normal life for the first 17 years of my life, and then it abruptly changed. I have flashbacks sometimes to the exact day that everything changed. I was an avid volleyball player in high school, and I had just come off the court after starting in a game. I sat down on the bench and all of the sudden I had a MASSIVE bloody nose out of no where (didn’t get hit or anything). I ran across the gym holding my nose and went into the bathroom. At that point the blood was coming down so fast, I didn’t have time to clean myself up. I stood over a sink spitting blood, and my mom rushed into help me. It took a good 30 mins for it to stop, and I still remember the pain shooting up my nose to brain, and progressively getting other new symptoms, as I still am today.

I have such a fear of coming so far in life, and having everything ripped from under me because that’s exactly what has happened. I think I just feel like I keep getting more and more taken away from me and it’s so hard sometimes. I worry constantly about my future, and it’s an extremely hard task to learn just to let go and accept what comes my way.



2 thoughts on “Diving into the Reality of My Future

  1. It can be hard to let go and accept what the future holds. I struggle with this myself. I’m not saying I completely understand what you are going through because I don’t, but I’m doing my best to. Hang in there. You are worth it!

    Liked by 1 person

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